Is Life Passing Me By?

How do I know if I’m letting life pass me by? My mother sent me a video of my grandma singing for her 80th birthday celebration while I’m sitting in class. Am I missing precious memories with my grandmother and family? Tomorrow I can’t even see her on her actual birthday because I’m working a probably 11-hour shift, another phone call will have to be made to wish her a happy birthday again.

Does my friend resent me when I want to go to bed early because I have to get up at 5:30 am for work? I want to build my career so I need to put in the work now if I want to be where I want to be in the future, but when I finally have time to enjoy life will I have no one left because they think I’m ignoring them for my career?

I look online and see so many people from my high school getting married and starting a family. They found someone to spend their time with and love them. Whenever my grandma asks if I have a boyfriend I just say my partner is my work. I don’t have time to go out and meet people and if I don't have time for that I don’t have time for people’s games they like to play with feelings.

I’m probably being very dramatic as I write this but this blog is about all the dramatic thoughts I have and how I get through it or try to at least. So the first thing I need to remember is pace.

Everyone has their own pace in life, yes some people are having kids right now, I am focusing on myself so if I do have kids one day I know we can live a comfortable life. So what if people from high school are getting married, this year I have enjoyed being single and learning about myself and goals in life. Yes I have been in community college longer than a normal person but at least I’m taking my time so I can focus on what is important. I have to go at my pace because trying to keep up with others will do nothing but derail me. My friends will stick around because they know I’m working hard to achieve my goals and if someone leaves because I wanna focus on me then it's probably good they don’t stick in my life. I'm there for family events, yes I miss some of them but I'm there for most of them. Showing up for my family is what matters. My family knows that I love them and they love me too. They know how hard I'm working. I promise I won't let them down.