Royally Fucked

I think I am royally fucked. I thought I saw him today, and I could feel my heart skip a beat. Thankfully, it wasn’t him, so he didn’t have to see how I reacted when I realized what my heart did. It hasn’t done that in a while. I hate it. No, I don’t, but I do at the same time with the complications it comes with. It’s always a nice feeling when a crush starts to blossom. The bubbly feeling in your stomach when you are waiting for a text back because you are just so excited to talk to them and being able to laugh at anything he says because clearly, he is the funniest person ever. 

It’s all a nice feeling until you realize what those feelings come with. Stuck in this middle ground trying to figure out what to do with these feelings and wondering if he feels them too. 

But he doesn’t..

We are friends, and we should only be friends; that is clearly all he sees me as. Instead of your heart skipping a beat in your chest, it sinks a bit. Which is fine, this is fine. I know my zone, so I stayed and listened to him talk about her, be the shoulder to cry on when she broke his heart, and here to cheer him up. All with a smile on my face because I’m his friend there to support him, only his friend.

Only wishing for more, wishing that he could see me in a different way, but I think I dug my zone way too deep to dig out. I’m way too far deep for him to see me in another light. I will ignore that feeling, even when I see him afar, see his smile, or hear his laugh. I will ignore it when my heart skips a beat…

Yeah, I am royally fucked.