I'm at the Age where Grandparent Die

Just in this past month, two different cousins and a friend had all lost one of their grandparents. I went to one of the funerals; my cousin's grandmother passed away from dementia. I tried my best to be supportive during the funeral but ended up being very awkward, not sure what to do. I haven't been to many funerals in my life yet. My cousin just ended up laughing at me, which helped her get through the funeral.

Yet the whole time, I was being selfish, thinking about my own grandmother who was recently diagnosed with dementia. I don't want to go through that. I heard my father crying behind me during the funeral, knowing he will have to go through this. I cried when my uncle tried to talk at the funeral because I don't want to go through this. I don't want my grandmother to slowly lose herself before we lose her.

My grandparents always showed up to everything I did, every soccer game I lost, every volleyball game I sat on the bench, every terrible performance, and every very long swim meet. There's still so much in my life that I want my grandmother to see. I'm trying to graduate from community college so my grandmother can see me walk across the stage since I was a high school 2020 grad. I would like her to be at my wedding, but I cannot even imagine being in a relationship right now, even though she always asks if I have a boyfriend. I wish I could go back in time to tell my 16-year-old self to get my depressed self out of bed and go to lunch with them. 16 year old me thought I would have more time in the future, 22 year old me is now working almost full time job to make my bills, full time student trying to pass my classes with even less time on my hands then ever.

I'm scared of her forgetting me. I want to move out of our hometown and see the country and the world. I don't want to see her every once in a while and then have her forget who I am because I'm not around as much.

I'm at the age where grandparents die, my parents are at the age where parents die. I just wanna scream and cry. How do you loose someone who has always been there for you?