Echoes of Ambition

(Short Story)

My eyes grow tired as I stare at the computer screen trying to finish this rough draft of an essay. This class is getting too hard for me or maybe it’s just too much. I’m struggling with my assignments; maybe I should just drop this class, or even just drop out of college altogether. I’m not cut out for it; everyone in my degree seems to get the hang of it but I’m still struggling with the basics. The clock hits 10:15 pm, I’m tired. I have to go to class early in the morning. I have until 12:00 am to turn this rough draft in.

“I give up,” I mumble, slamming my laptop shut. I crawl in bed just wanting to sleep the stress away. Yet I lay there thinking more and more about dropping from school. For hours, I thought about how different life could be if I just dropped and focused on working and making money until I eventually fell asleep.

I wake up to my alarm, I slowly get ready, not worrying about getting to class on time; I don’t need to worry about it anyways. I’m gonna talk to my counselor about dropping.

Once I arrive on campus, it’s very silent. It’s normally filled with students laughing and enjoying the atmosphere, but there are just a couple of people, probably because it’s still early in the morning; most people on campus right now are in class. As I continue to walk, I hear giggling and barking. I look at the noise and see a young child, maybe 5 or 6 years old, playing with a dog. The dog and I lock eyes and immediately come running over to me. I tense up for a moment, but seeing the wag of the tail, it is filled with joy. The little girl chased after the dog.

"What are you doing?" the little girl asked me, the dog nudges at my hand and I give it a few pets on the head. The child and dog look vaguely familiar; is this a professor's child and pet?

"I'm on my way to drop out of college," I look around to see if there are any parents missing a child. Then I realize what I said. "Why did I just tell a random child that?"

"Why would you want to give up on our dream?" She looked at me with her wide blue eyes.

"Excuse me?" Then suddenly her dog took off and she chased after it. "Did that kid say our dream?"

I shook the weird interaction off and continued inside to the advisory office. I get to the door and see a closed sign. They just aren't in yet so I have to wait. I take a seat outside and scroll on my phone. Footsteps come down the hall, looking up hoping to see an advisor, but it's just a teenager. She has long brown hair, big clunky glasses, looking to be 15 or 16 years old. She looks like she doesn't want to be here. Yet another familiar face but don't know where to place it. The teen walks over to me and just stares.

"What are you doing?" She asks me.

"Waiting for my advisor," I answer and she just scoffs at me. "Seriously, where are these kids' parents?"

"So you'll tell the kid you are dropping out but not me?" she laughs and starts to walk away. "Pathetic."

"Excuse me, where the hell do you get off saying that!" I yell at her down the hall. She stops and turns to me. I could feel my face starting to turn red from anger. Her face stays the same, tired and sad.

"I just think it's fucking pathetic how we made it this far in life without offing ourselves just to drop out of college at 23 years old," Her tone never broke.

"What the hell are you even talking about, you don't know what I have been through to get to this point," I yell back.

"Or do I," She flipped me off as she started to walk off.

"You-," I started to shout, but then I noticed her hand, a birthmark covering half of her hand. I looked to my own hand seeing the same birthmark. I look up and she was gone.

I run outside hoping to see her, but instead I see the familiar brown dog and little girl laying in the courtyard.

"It can't be," I mumble to myself. "R-Rocky?" I attempted to yell but stuttered instead. The dog still heard me, his head perked up and ran over to me. I kneeled down letting the dog give me kisses as showed him in love; it's been over 10 years since I have last seen my childhood dog. I must be losing it right now.

"I told you she would remember!" the little girl said as she started to pet Rocky. I looked at her hand, seeing the same birthmark on my own hand.

"Rose?" I asked her.

"Yes, Rose?" Her big blue eyes stared me down. Her eyes were the same shade of blue as when I was younger before they turned green.

"What are you doing here?"

"Here to keep your stupid ass from making stupid mistakes," a voice said behind me. I looked to see my teenage self back.

"Careful, she's just a kid," I quickly covered the child's ears.

"So? She's gonna grow up and have a mouth of a sailor too," the teen shook her head.

"Go play," I motioned for the child to go away, and she ran off. I turned to the teen. "What is your issue?"

"You know my issues because you lived through them," I tried to speak, but she kept going. "I'm not done. I know life is shitty, but you gotta make something out of yourself so I know it was worth it."

"What was worth it?"

"Staying alive," she choked out, finally tears starting to build up in her tired eyes. As quickly as they came, they were gone. She wiped her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm gonna go now, I hate crying in front of people, even if it's an older version of me. Do whatever you think is best."

I was left speechless as I watched her walk away, but before she was out of view, she flipped me off again with a smile. I turned to see the child me petting Rocky. I walked over and knelt next to them, starting to pet Rocky as well.

"You aren't giving up on our dream, right?" she asked, giving me the biggest puppy eyes. Taking a deep breath, looking at her, then at Rocky, I remembered the teen's words.

"No, not today, not anymore," I spoke quietly.

"Yay!" She shouted, jumping into my arms. "I'm so proud of you." Now it was my turn to cry; I squeezed the young me a little tighter. "I can't breathe," she said with a fake cough. I let her go, and Rocky jumped on me, licking my face and tears.

Next thing I knew, I saw another child running up to Rocky. She seemed the same age as the child me, and I noticed her hand, a very similar birthmark to mine, but her hair was much darker brown, and her eyes were brown.

"Honey, come back here," a familiar voice called out behind me. I turned to see a lady who seemed to be close to her mid-30s, with green eyes, red hair longer than mine now, but her roots needing to be redyed.

"Oh, it's you," her smile softened when she realized who we were. I stood and walked over to her, seeing who I grew up to be. I examined her closer; she looked so put together. I looked at her hand, with the same birthmark as mine, but also a pretty sparkling ring on her ring finger.

"So, did we make it out okay?" I asked.

"More than okay," she watched her child. "All the struggle and pain, it's worth it. Worth staying alive and not giving up on the dream, but it's time to finish that rough draft," the older me said.

"It's turning out awful though."

"It's supposed to be shit! You are still learning. Now it's time to wake up!" Then she pushed me, and I started to fall.

I jumped awake; all of that was just a dream. I looked at the clock, 10:45 pm. I still had time to turn in the design. I shot up from my bed and logged into my laptop. I was still tired and felt drained. I looked at a photo I had of Stormy.

"It will be worth it," I mumbled to myself as I got to work.